Let’s talk, shall we?
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I consider this an open forum, where I share my thoughts, and you can too. We can use this as a place to voice our opinions and/or grievances. Today, grievance is on the menu. Hungry? Let’s discuss the “Point-Out-What-You-Are-Doing Wrong” mom. (POWYADW) We all know one and we don’t like her. Her sentences usually begin with, “I don’t know if you KNOW this, but…” or the ever popular, “No offense, but…” how about, “You can do whatever you want, but I…” and a favorite of mine, “Do you know your child is…” In the early years of motherhood you encounter the breast-feeding judgers. The ones that talk and talk and talk about how great breast feeding is (no duh) and give you the sideways head look if you don’t/can’t/won’t breastfeed. Then proceed to lecture you about how you are basically killing your child if you don’t.
Resolution: Turn to them and say, “Don’t you worry about who’s sucking on my boobs.” End of discussion, I promise you that.
Then once you hit the solid food stage there are the moms who make all their own homemade baby food and how they would NEVER feed their child the processed, cancer-in-a-jar food they sell at the supermarket.
Resolution: Casually say, “My husband and I have made the conscious decision to feed our child processed food as an infant so our other children won’t think we love him more”. Conversation over.
As your children get older you will get to know, what I like to call, “The Video Game Police”. They will let you know that you have just killed your child’s last brain cells by letting him play Mario Cart.
Resolution: State with full resolve, “Children with good hand eye coordination grow to be smarter, stronger and better lovers. I am improving their quality of life”. Then fancy snap and walk away.
I had a run-in with the local POWYADW Mom just yesterday. She was ALL OVER my son’s playground etiquette. Of course I looked at her and said thank you. I don’t think of witty comebacks until 2 hours later. What I SHOULD have said was: “Well thank you for focusing on my child’s playground etiquette, we know averting attention from your 80’s bangs and bad breath is quite a task and I am grateful I could be of help to you today.” I now have my words for next time. Now that’s off my chest we can talk cupcakes. Almond Joy ones. I started with a chocolate box mix and added some extras like shredded coconut and coconut milk… Then I made some coconut buttercream. You have to. Your life will be happier because of it. Then I stuck an almond on top. These are ALMOND JOY cupcakes, after all. Then I dipped them in chocolate. You don’t HAVE to, but you will be happy if you do. Believe in the power of chocolate. Now eat. EAT!
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